Marriage for men is becoming a treacherous landmine for numerous reasons, the fallout from divorce is one of the most obvious, but there’s more.
Monogamy is extremely restrictive for men who still maintain their primal instincts. This isn’t just about sex with multiple partners, although 28% of marriages in the U.S. end due to infidelity.
Once a man is married, he can no longer do as he wishes when he wishes. It’s also harder for the man to take steps back to recalibrate and reassess the path they’re on.
Being hitched to another person who needs you to stay the course in order for there to be a semblance of stability severely limits your future options of spontaneity. Without spontaneity you simply become a cog in the machine of marriage, relegated to doing your part for the sake of the marriage; miserable or otherwise.
A man in his most primal sense is defined by his desire to hunt for what he needs and sometimes taking more because he can. The man with the greatest capacity to accumulate the valuables of his time is often desired most by women who themselves have a bevy of options to choose from.
Modern men, on the other hand, are measured by their ability to provide stability for their family, loyalty to their spouse and generally operating against some of their more natural instincts.
As a side note, the state of the modern man is in dire straits, but that really is a conversation for another day that I’ll touch on in greater detail.
So if a man in his most natural state doesn’t want to be tied down to anything, let alone another human, then what is the value of getting married?
I’ve pondered on this question for a good 20 years and I have come up with two good reasons why a man should marry and a third so-so reason.
If you’re a man of God and value your religious sanctity, then get married. But don’t marry someone who doesn’t share your religious values, because then the boundaries of your virtues will put you at a disadvantage with your spouse playing by a completely different set of rules.
Sure true love is supposed to conquer all, but with a 40% to 50% divorce rate in America, apparently true love has an expiration date for half of those people who claim its all healing power.
There is something beautiful about two people who marry under the banner of their religion and find peaceful coexistence in that realm. Through their religious beliefs, they learned to be more civilized in the sense that their primal instincts come second to their faith. Good for them.
Children are the other reason to get married and stay married. There are studies after studies however, that indicate a drop in marital satisfaction after the birth of a child.
What people don’t realize until its too late is that there’s love for another person, then there’s love for a child and the two loves are very different. Loving another person is like loving your favorite juice, you will love it as long as it doesn’t change too much, but you can still get tired of it and switch to a different type of juice.
Loving your child is like loving water. Love it or hate it, you need it and can’t live without it. So when married couples finally have a baby, they fall in true love for the first time and it pales in comparison to what they shared for each other prior.
But, a child loves each of their parents equally and needs nothing more than a stable home where two people guide that child towards a healthy and successful life.
For that reason alone, new parents with enough maturity can and should see the marriage as a team effort to raise the best human(s) they feasibly can.
Unfortunately we live in a very different time where the self is more important than all else. Consequently, children be damned when two people can no longer feel satisfied with one another.
There is great wisdom in ensuring a child is raised in a home that’s peaceful and loving and sometimes that requires the two parents to not be together. But that’s the dice you roll when you marry because you want children.
There’s technically a third reason to get married and that’s when two people with similar financial values see their union as a means to stabilize and grow their wealth. The only problem with that is I firmly believe as a man you can do more on your own that with someone else.
Now if you’re a man without all the prerequisite skills or a sense of belief you can’t acquire those skills, then maybe a woman who rounds you out makes sense for you.
I’ve met a great many women who just have the golden touch and can turn a lousy guy into a great guy. Women with that sort of reclamation energy should be revered by men who for one reason or another don’t have what it takes.
But for those of us who do have the juice, marriage isn’t the answer. We will either cheat, get bored, or live a life of misery wondering how we got into this mess. In that process, you not only risk what you have built prior to marriage, but your long term track will get sidetracked while you sort out the situation you got yourself into.
Don’t do that to yourself or the person you marry. There’s a whole inventory of men who are suitable for marriage as they need that sense of completeness. But for those of us who are whole on our own, we only become internally divided by the union of marriage.
There’s infinite joy in working your craft, traveling the world and maneuvering unencumbered. You can’t have that and marriage too. If you’re going to have the type of partner who lets you do that, then why put them through that, just be free.